Round Up
by Mako1
Summary: When the cat's away, the mice will play...at least they'll try to with Beachhead snooping around.


Round Up.

Author Chick's Notes:  Never EVER allow me to be sleep deprived!  Insomnia is a very bad thing in my hands.  Very bad.  It results in utter stupidity on my part. =) Enjoy!

Round Up.

Beachhead hated having to do this.  Going over to the female dorms to round up anyone who happened to be NOT female.  Things were to quiet over on the men's side of the Pit and it was pretty obvious why to the ranger.  The main guard stationed in front of the female dorms normally, had become rather ill rather quickly.  And thanks to government cutbacks there was no one immediately available that was also trustworthy enough to keep the sexes separated.  

Beachhead had offered to take over for the fallen guard but the women had been quite vocal about the last time he'd kept watch.  Something about a pillow fight escalating into charges pressed for lewd conduct had pretty much put the ranger in hot water with the women on base.  They had made a wanted poster with his likeness on it and plastered it outside the main door to their dorm.  "Wanted:  Dead or castrated!"

Spying Falcon and Barbeque nearby, Beachhead recruited them to help with his mission.

"You're kidding? You are actually ORDERING me to go over there?" Falcon grinned.  

"Just shut up and behave." Beachhead growled as he handed over a clipboard with a roll call.  The trio made their way towards the female dorms, spying several of their male teammates sitting around outside enjoying the warm evening.  Cover Girl was sitting with a couple of the men from the Motor Pool on a pile of crates near the door.  Cover Girl saw the three and took out a small switchblade to use as a nail file.  Tollbooth made a comment and the gear heads all howled in laughter at Beachhead's expense.  

"Just shut up.  Now what are y'all doin' here?" Beachhead barked.

"Conjugal visit." Cover Girl smirked.  Falcon could feel his teeth sinking into his lips as he bit them to keep from laughing out loud.  

"Shouldn't you all be in your cages now?" Barbeque asked in disgust.

Leaning his head back against the wall, Clutch pondered the comment for a moment before speaking up.  "Y'know?  It's times like this I wonder what ever became of Bill Buckner."  Clutch's buddies were quiet for a second before erupting into roaring laughter.  Barbeque's eyes shot wide open in horror before glaring death in its many forms at the tank jockeys.

Falcon's face was bunched up now and his shoulders were heaving from his efforts to remain quiet.  Even Beachhead had to laugh at the fire fighter.  Sobering a bit, Steeler spoke up in his best 'I'm going to pull rank now and there's nothing you can do about it' voice.  "Trust me kiddies, we're behaving, now move along."

"I got it! I got it!  Opps I don't got it!" Heavy Metal teased.  The tank jockeys all burst into laughter again as the trio entered the dorms.  Barbeque was muttering under his breath when Beachhead spoke up.  

"Just toss 'em some raw meat or something." The ranger laughed.  

The first few rooms were clean, and then they got to the door of Glenda's apartment.  Opening it, Beachhead saw Glenda sitting on the bed, with what appeared to be the lower half of one of the men protruding out from under the desk.  Before anyone could ask what was going on, Thunder slid out from under the desk and sat up.  "Hey what's up?" He asked when he saw the trio in the doorway.

"What are you doing in here?" Beachhead asked.

"Installing an entertainment system." Thunder answered.  "Honest! See my pants are still on!" He grinned, pulling on the open knee of his slashed up jeans.  Glenda covered her mouth to squelch a round of giggles, as Beachhead made sure that was all Thunder was doing in the room and that he'd be leaving as soon as he was done.

"Like I'd be stupid enough to get off in a room around here." Thunder snorted as the three left.  

Beachhead rubbed at his brow as he knocked on the next door.  No answer.  Opening it he spied the resident of the room asleep in bed.  "Private Jones!" He bellowed.  The woman jolted awake and pulled the sheet around her.  Realising the intrusion she bellowed death in all its forms at Beachhead.

"Can't a person get a decent night's sleep around here?"  She pulled a knife out from under the pillow but Beachhead retreated before she could toss it.  Private Jones listened out in the hallway for a few seconds before grinning in the dark.  "All clear Tim."  She whispered.  

Blow Torch slunk out of the shadows and joined the woman in bed.  "I'm glad ye all have a warning system." He snickered before rolling on top of her and getting reacquainted with her elegant throat.

"That's one crazy woman." Beachhead muttered as he knocked on the next door.  Jinx opened it and looked up at the ranger glowering down at her.  "Where's Falcon?" He asked.  Beachhead closed his eyes and muttered a few choice words under his breath when he realised his mistake. 

The ninja had a perplexed look on her face and blinked a few times before speaking up.  "That's a trick question right?" Jinx asked, pointing to her boyfriend who was behind the ranger laughing out loud now.

"Never mind." Beachhead muttered as he turned to go to the next room.  Jinx leaned out the doorway and watched his retreating back.

"Penis round up?" She asked Falcon who was leaning on the wall for support.

Falcon nodded his head a few times before pushing off the wall.  "I'll see you later." He said as he placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.  "On duty!" He added when Beachhead and Barbeque both turned at the statement.  

"Yeah right." Barbeque retorted.  "Uh this one's clear Beachhead." He stated when he read the name plaque on the door.  

"Yeah. She's discussing baseball downstairs." Falcon snorted.

Beachhead read it and shook his head.  The next room however was occupied.  Beachhead saw the pretty sergeant who resided in the room and heard the shower running in the bathroom.  "What happened to you?" He asked the woman who was covered in mud.  Before she could answer, someone came out of the bathroom.  Beachhead's jaw dropped when he saw Sci-Fi come out wearing only a towel around his waist.

"Sci-Fi!  You know what sex causes on a military base?" He bellowed at the man.

Sci-Fi pursed his lips for a moment.  "An increase in population and the spread of communicable diseases?" He smiled sweetly.

"Exactly! Abstinence gets you order and discipline!"

"Yeah and an increase in fatal friendly fire incidents involving troop commanders, from disgruntled horny soldiers." Sci-Fi snorted.  Falcon finally lost his battle with laughter and slid down the wall outside in the corridor.  Barbeque watched as Falcon ended up lying on the floor screaming in laughter.

Sci-Fi raised an eyebrow and the woman snickered in the background  "Relax, we weren't doing anything." He defended as the woman slipped past him into the bathroom.  "Petra and I just got back from a round of paintball." He added, towelling his hair dry.

"What's wrong with your own shower?" Beachhead glared.

"Petra's place was closer. And if I recall, there's a work order request on your desk…in triplicate I might add…because my shower doesn't work!"  Sci-Fi glared right back.

"You better be dressed and out of here before I come back this way, or else." Beachhead vowed before turning to leave.

Sci-Fi couldn't resist however.  "Aw damn.  Hey Petra, babe?  The Swedish massages will have to wait till later!" He called out to the woman in the shower.  "Bye-bye." He added with a wave and a smirk, closing the door on the trio.  They could hear both Sci-Fi and Petra laughing behind the door.

Across the hall, another door opened and Duke popped his head out to see what the commotion was.  Beachhead saw that he was naked to the waist with a hint of lipstick, the same colour as Scarlet wore, on his neck.  "Some example you set!" The ranger scowled.  

Falcon raised his head long enough to see his elder brother before falling back to the floor in hysterics.  "I'm gonna piss myself." He managed to get out between fits of laughter.  Duke flushed red as he realised what was going on.  Scarlet's impeccable timing however kicked in, as she came out to save him.

"Isn't there a warrant out for your balls, if we catch you around here?" she scowled.  Beachhead knew better then to mess with the woman, but the couple didn't miss the disapproving scowl on the man's face as he headed towards the stairs.  

"Get off the damn floor Falcon!" He bellowed, heading upstairs for the next level of the dorm.

Falcon managed to get up and made to follow Beachhead and Barbeque.  "You so owe me one, bro." He taunted Duke as he walked past.

"Shut up Vince." Duke hissed before closing the door.

The first room they came upon on the next floor had two people in it.  One of whom Beachhead felt should not have been there.  "What's going on in here?" He demanded of the woman and Short Fuse.

The two looked at each other before Short Fuse answered.  "Conspiracy hunting." He told the ranger, pointing to the computer the two were parked in front of.

Beachhead shook his head in confusion.  "You need a hobby, boy."

"I had one!" Short Fuse grinned.

"A real hobby!"

"Building historical recreations is a real hobby." Short Fuse smirked.  The recreation he was going for however wasn't exactly considered historically significant, at least to the general populace.  Which is why he had been ordered to stop and take it down.

"Rebuilding the Marquis De Sade's bedroom is not a hobby…it borders on psychotic, not to mention criminal felony."  Beachhead argued back before leaving.  

"Prude!" Short Fuse laughed.  Beachhead bellowed out that he had heard the comment, and Short Fuse laughed even harder.

"You know?  I was really looking forward to seeing that thing completed." Falcon mentioned to the other two.  Barbeque and Beachhead both stopped and turned to look at each other in horror before looking behind them to Falcon.  "What?"

"Get the hell out of here." Beachhead stated as he snatched the clipboard from Falcon.  Falcon cheered as he was dismissed.  "And I'm checking Jinx's room again, so don't even think about it!"   Falcon could be heard cackling as he left the ranger and fire fighter to finish their chosen mission.

Across the hall from the room they found Short Fuse in, was Raven.  The COBRA pilot turned Joe and she wasn't alone either.  Beachhead just raised an eyebrow at the two seated on the floor engaged in a heated video game battle and turned to go check the next room.  As the door closed, Raven looked over at Slipstream.  "Remind me to thank Jinx for the head's up." She purred as they both dropped their game controllers and went back to making out.

Beachhead had cleared the next room when he saw Low Light coming down the hall.  "You're the last person I'd figure to find here?" 

Low Light raised an eyebrow before defending his reasons for being in 'no mans land'.  "Well some of us have a better chance of getting laid then others.  But I'm here for a couple of books, Jaye borrowed from me." He stated, holding up the two books he'd just retrieved.  Barbeque's shoulders shuddered with laughter as Beachhead glared before shooing the sniper out of the dorms.

Beachhead and Barbeque had gone to a couple more rooms and found them clear or occupied by less then enthusiastic members of the team.  Barbeque looked at his hip pocket.  "They sure don't like seeing you around here do they?" He commented while fiddling with the hole one of Lady Jaye's spears had just put there.

"That woman's psychotic!" Beachhead mumbled as he picked himself off the floor.  He'd managed to get out of the skirmish unscathed but he wasn't going to stick around to give Lady Jaye another chance to take away his ability to reproduce.

Beachhead opened the door to the next room and his jaw dropped.  On the bed, barely dressed was the new nurse the team had acquired.  Seated on the bed next to her was the Joe's medic, Lifeline.  "What the hell is going on here?" Beachhead demanded of the two.  The nurse glared at him before a nasty fit of coughing took control.

"We're playing 'doctor', happy?" Lifeline deadpanned, as he got out an inhaler for the nurse.  "Here Jess."  Lifeline had been the one that answered the phone when the warnings were called in to all the residents of the dorms about Beachhead snooping around, so he knew what was going on.  "No really.  She's got the flu and Doc's occupied with Martinez." Lifeline added.

"Who's Martinez?"

Lifeline and Jess both glanced at each before Lifeline answered.  "The guy who usually keeps an eye on the place?  The one who can't be bribed for nothing?"  Jess made a comment under her breath about rangers and stupidity before being seized by another round of coughs.

"Yeah well you better be out of here…" Beachhead never got to finish his statement.  Jess had tossed a pillow at him and barked that he'd better be out of the room in two seconds or she was going to kill.  

Barbeque was in the hallway snickering at the ranger as he dodged the pillow and slammed the door closed.  "I doubt Lifeline's a problem around here, Beach."

"You know what they say about the preacher's kid being the worst…" Beachhead commented as they went on to the next room.  After clearing the dorm and not finding anything out of order, the two proceeded down the stairs to leave.  As they got to the main floor, they spied Jinx leaving her quarters.  "Where's Falcon?" Beachhead growled.

Jinx didn't answer him.  Instead in a motion to fast to follow with the human eye, she reached behind her and took out her sword.  Swinging it in a perfect arc, she sliced the buckle off from Beachhead's pouch belt.  The belt fell to the ground in a thud and Jinx swung the sword into place for another attack.  Beachhead and Barbeque didn't stick around for that attack, as they both took off running into the night.

Outside, the tank jockeys heard the screaming and watched in awe as Beachhead and Barbeque dashed out the door with Jinx hot on their tails.  "Run Forrest! Run!" Cover Girl called out in her best southern drawl.  Her teammates laughed as the two ran off into the darkness. 

Jinx stopped and replaced her sword.  "I'll nail his ass in the dojo later." She vowed as she joined up with the tankers.  A thought hit her and she slipped a knife out of hiding and held it inches from Steeler's throat.  "And what about you?" She purred.

"Whoa!  I ain't gonna rat yins out!" Steeler promised, holding his hands in the air in surrender.  "'Sides, we ain't allowed in there." The blonde lieutenant added as Jinx slipped the knife back into hiding.

"Nothing's stopping you." Jinx brought up, jerking a thumb at the main door.

Clutch shrugged his shoulders.  "Force of habit.  This is as far as we're allowed to get, usually." He explained.

"Y'know?  She has a point." Steeler wondered aloud.  

"Just think of it as earning good merit points with the eunuch." Cover Girl laughed. Sci-Fi came out the door just then in sweats and a tee shirt.  Holding up Beachhead's belt he asked the group to whom it belonged.  

"Beach had a little run in with my sword." Jinx smirked.

"I see."

"Yeah I doubt he'll be back around here for a while." Cover Girl laughed.  Sci-Fi narrowed his eyes and smirked.  

Slinging the belt over his shoulder he hit the COM button on the wall next to the front door.  "Hey Petra?  Bust out the massage oil babe."  Sci-Fi saluted his comrades as he went back to the woman's room.

"Hnn.  I'll be damned."  Clutch muttered as he scratched at his beard.

THE END


End file.
